Belly-button gazing does no good.

      It's wonderful what a clear head can do to perspective. To be brought back to solid, level ground after explosive, earth shaking moments of intense emotion almost feels like waking up from a chaotic, almost cubist style dream where nothing quite makes sense and you can almost, just almost make out a picture or a theme or a meaning. Good, solid rest can rejuvenate and clarify. A good, honest friend can do this as well. Mostly, however, it's been the Holy Spirit who has brought revelation, conviction, and restoration to my heart and mind.
      Truly, this whirlwind of activity and uncertainty has made me feel like an emotionally drunk person, stumbling around, talking to whoever will listen without discernment, wisdom, or caution. It begins to spiral out of control until it becomes this great, ugly, Picasso-inspired monster of my own fear-driven creation filled with assumption, desperate for resolution and answered questions, and hungry for attention. Others seem to make gentle allowance for my jumbled ramblings, my rankings, and my wild-eyed sputterings, all while they lovingly tolerate my selfishness and self-centered, albeit spiritual, diatribes.

      This morning was a morning of mourning. (See what I did there?). It was a time of mourning how much I've missed of my friends struggles, their life events, pouring into their souls, and providing a listening ear. It was a time of grieving for missed opportunities to bless those around me all because my hands and heart have been grasping for blessing without giving in turn or first. To be so consumed and focused on fear and personal feelings is to be empty, without compassion, and without the ability or effort to look beyond.
          How mightily, powerfully, and gently the Holy Spirit turns my eyes from inward to upward and then outward. And when He does this, suddenly eyes are opened and vision clears to see that there are others who are in need even greater than our own. Others who need the hands and feet of a Savior through the feeble hands and feet of His children. And others who have feelings, emotions, fears, and broken hearts that are just as valid, just as raw, and just as in need of the soothing balm of Holy friendship as my own.
      I don't write this to seek nods of approval, praise, or applause. I write this because I know where my heart has been and it's been ugly. I take these steps to release fear and cowardice and take on the mantle of confidence and contentment, trust and faith, mercy and openhandedness, and ask only for accountability and prayer.

My husband's heart and needs matter.
My children's hearts and needs matter.
My brothers and sisters, your hearts and needs matter.
And I want to be a vessel to be used for His glory by helping meet those needs.
Please share how I may help.